Genealogy Chat

YOU ARE ALL DARLINS, GOOD LUCK AND MY BEST WISHES TO YOU ALL MARYCLARE

Dear Ivan, have read the thread, and am really made up for you. You must be like a dog with two tails at the moment. Really pleased for you go for it!! anna x

Hi Maryclare There were a lot of fallings-out in my family when I was a child. Three years ago a cousin (daughter of my Father's sister) advertised trying to find me. She was 68 and I was 60 and we had never met although we only lived a few miles apart. At first I thought I would not bother but then got to thinking that past disputes were nothing to do with either of us so I did get in touch 6 months later. Guess what? She, like myself, was doing our family history so we met, get on well and have combined our research. She knew things I did not and vice versa and we are both very glad we made the effort so I would say 'Go for it' you have nothing to lose and maybe plenty to gain. Ann

I visit a lot of elderly people who are very often living alone and due to arthritis/stroke not capable of writing. I often spend a couple of hours just chatting (whilst I fill my forms in) and I feel sad that many don't get visitors - meals on wheels has often been replaced by a delivery of frozen meals to be microwaved later. When you do write put your telephone number on it clearly (large writing) and say you would love to talk to them. Say you would ring them back if they call so would only be the cost of a short call to them. A carer may call you back if they are unable to. Alternatively ask if you could visit them when convenient to them - they might be wary of someone just turning up but if an appointment can be made they could have a friend/relative/carer with them. Even if they haven't much to tell you (or they think they don't - you'd be amazed at what people can recall with a bit of prompting in a convivial athmosphere) - they may welcome having a visitor especially if they bring something nice with them.

Thank you to everyone who has given their advice about contacting a relative. I too have one in his 80's. I did send a letter a few years ago and never heard back. However, I presume he is still alive as he is listed in the telephone directory for this year. I have been arguing with myself whether I should try again or not. Having read these posts, I'm going to send him another letter and include a stamped self addressed envelope and some blank paper. If it doesn't work, I have lost nothing but may gain some great information.

Write your letter. But instead of saying you are doing your family tree, say that you realise that you don't know anything about your family. With your father now gone you would like to know your grandparents names where they lived etc even a photo or two would be nice. At best she will write back or phone if you give a number. At worst she won't reply but at least you will have tried. Don't leave it too late like lots of people only to regret it later. I have my mothers cousins who had lots of photo's of my grandfather, he died when my mother was 5 in WW1 I only have 1 picture of him, my cousin has his medals. I didn't like to bother her to get them copied. Earlier this year I phone and ask if I could come and copy them. Only to be told as she is now in a small flat they had all been taken down the dump. So don't leave it to long. Write with a stamped addressed envelope then its up to her. You could also add you would be interested to hear from any cousins. Good Luck Irene

IVAN i hear you! i know exactly what you mean and how you feel, i'm the youngest in my family and never knew my gparents on either side . my mothers family didnt get on with my fathers side , and as time went on there was no contact at all so i have/had many aunts uncle and cousins i never knew.now i'm doing this search it amazes me how much i have missed and some times feel sad/angry at what i have missed.i'v come to the conclusion to reach out to the living and go from there, if they dont want to know it will be thier loss(because i'm a lovely person LOL) i wish you luck with your search and send you my best regards maryclare

hi phantom you naughty boy you. a reply is never too late . thanks for taking an interest in my plight. maryclare

THANKS JESS AND HELEN I'M JUST OFF TO POST THE LETTER. I KEPT IT SIMPLE AND INVITED HIM TO WRITE ME EVEN IF HES NOT INTERESTED IN THE SEARCH. I COULD'NT GIVE HIM A S.A.E. AS I DONT HAVE ANT ENGLISH POSTAGE BUT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. THANKS AGAIN MARYCLARE

I recently wrote to a man whose mother was a cousin of my grandmother. I sent a pedigree showing our connection and wrote a letter saying how we were related and so on. He wrote back almost by return of post and promised to send me a picture of his mother with all her siblings (yes!) and he gave me a potted biography of himself - v. interesting. He is 83 and still gives lectures and talks about his role as a rear-gunner in WW2, when he nearly died. To ensure a reply at least, even if it was to say 'get lost' I enclosed a stamped addressed envelope. But I think you will find that people of a writing generation will write back. At 70 he's a youngster these days! nell

hi jess his father and my mother were brother and sister

Depends where you fit!! If he is a child of your fathers brother /sister and straight forwardly so -then I don't see why not. keep it brief and gauge from the reply what to do next.

i have found a cousin, he's a 70 year old , i plan to write and start by introducing myself and telling him where i fit in to the family and what it is i'm doing , but where do i go from there ? i dont know what this mans health is like and dont want to shock him nor do i wish to send him in to a reminiscing transcendental state of his life. am i worrying to much ? your thoughts please maryclare just to let you lovely people know i got a reply to my letter today, cousin joe was very pleased to hear from me, he is well and so is his family, he gave me lots of update on his and our family.thank you all for your encouragement. maryclare