Genealogy Chat

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My Dad has a half brother, they haven't spoken for 40+ years, I have only ever seen him once and that was 17 years ago at my nans funeral. I'd love to be able to find some 'living' rellies for a change, but I don't know his brothes dob or what name he was registered in so would have to ask my Dad for help. how should I approach him? Thanks Linda sorry if there are letters missing of any of my words but I have this huge heart right in the middle of my screen grrrrr!!

Linda, there is a reason brothers dont talk and I doubt if dad would want to help with this - it would be best to respect his wishes - if he hasnt bothered to contact his bro in all this time believe me there is a reason.

It all depends on the individuals & what the family rift was all about I guess. You are the best person to know how your Dad will react. Perhaps something like 'Would you mind if I put your half brother in the family tree ? You will have to judge whether the risk is worth the possible outcome?

I started researching my family tree about a year ago. I knew very little about my father, and found out he was given away shortly after birth and never knew his mum. We have subsequently managed to trace his birth mother, but as he was illegitimate, will probably never find out his father. He died in 1982 and I am the child of his 2nd wife. At the time of his death I had absolutely no clue about his other family (who incidentally was still part living with!! (Yes obviously not very observant teenager at the time lol). I then found out he had a son from that marriage. Here's my point (yes there is one here somewhere). I spent 22 years waiting to pluck up the courage to contact my half brother, unfortunately this was then a year too late as he died in 2003. I so wish I had done so sooner. The answer might have not been positive, but at least I would have had the chance. Having said that, I've now met one of his children and we get on great! My advice is to give it a go, and see where it leads (trying not to stand on too many feet in the process!). I would have a chat with your dad and tell him how important it is to you to understand more about your family and perhaps he might explain what it was all about so you can make a more informed decision. Good luck in however you decide to proceed. Margaret x

Thanks all. I love my Dad to bits and would hate to upset him, but on the other hand I have a whole branch of my family I know nothing about.To be honest his brother could be no longer with us and I doubt we would know. I don't know why they don't talk but it must have been something bad, because my Dad isn't a person to do things lightly.At my nans funeral my dad wouldn't even get in the same car as him and got in the one behind. ooooh there's nothing as strange as family eh? Linda x

Its a very difficult one, as I have not spoke to my brother for 20 years and to be honest the rift is still that deep that if he was on fire I would poor petrol on him to keep him burning until the fire brigade turned up, But when someone asks about him it does not bother me to answer any questions about him or any member of my family so my point is, its worth asking for info. Roy

thanks Roy, I am going to take the bull by the horns and ask him tomorrow.He's been very interested in my work on the family so far, so I could slip it into the conversation when showing him my latest certs and info I've found Linda x

Linda, try showing him what you have got on very close family members, then say to him is their anyone i have missed that you know of? and go from there. good luck Roy

As my husband says, if you dont ask you dont know,.... just be gentle, you are just curious not trying to betray.

I have made contact with my Dad's brother after 40 years! Although my Dad and Great Aunt don't want to have direct contact I have to fill them in with word by word accounts on what has been said and I am not allowed to leave anything out. It has been a year and no-one is getting any younger so maybe one day my Dad will speak to his brother.

My father did not speak to his brother for over thirty years, although they were reconciled before my father's death - it was all over a pair of candlesticks, for God's sake! A friend told me recently of his approaches to his birth family. He did it very very discreetly and it took him over ten years - but eventually one of his half-brothers agreed to write to him. They developed a strong friendship and eventually it was decided that he would meet up with his other half-siblings, the meeting to be chaired by the older brother. One sister flatly refused to attend. Another said she wouldnt attend, but in fact turned up late, after the other four had been getting on famously for a few hours. The late arrival kept saying 'What do you want? What do you want from us?' in a very hostile way. My friend eventually stood up and said 'Here is my phone number and my address - I will be very very happy to hear from any of you, but if you do not contact me, I will not bother you again'. A few days later he had an almost abusive letter, signed by four of his half-siblings, accusing him of trying to blacken their mother's name and telling him to keep out of their lives. He still has occasional contact with the oldest half-brother but it is stiff and awkward. (His birth mother had an affair during the War and when her husband came home, he was put up for adoption, aged 10 months) I tell you this because it illustrates how families 'stick together' and refuse to accept unpleasant facts. Maybe your father fell out with his half-brother for some similar sort of reason? Ask him!!! Olde Crone

the only info I know is that dad's brother Ronald was born before my nan married my dad's dad. Infact no one in the family ever talked about him.unfortunately dads other brother is no longer with us and my Aunty has a memory like a sieve.