Genealogy Chat

Would value some thoughts/guidance please.

I was born in 1954 and adopted soon after. I have been able to trace the records for my birth mother. She came from a small town in Eastern Scotland and was sent to an adoption hostel in London for my birth.She was an only child and was 23 at the time. Since the Scottish marriage records were recently released I have been able to find her marriage in 1957. This has enabled me to find both her death in 1997 and that of her husband in 2002. From the husbands death cert I now know I have a half brother. It looks from 192.com that I will be able to find an address for him.

My problem is, do I contact him and if so how?

Anyone have any thoughts or guidance that they could share?

Thank you for reading.

Andy

Well you write a letter just saying you are researching the family think you might be related. and invite him to join in maybe with photos , memories etc
Send a SAE and phone number and hope .
Good luck.

I agee with Lindsey .was going to reply in a simliar vein..

Somewhere down the line you may be able to reveal your connection but at this time I would be careful as he may not know of you

Have you looked to see if he is on GR?

Hi Flick. Yes have checked GR, facebook, Friends Reunited. Does not appear on any tree on ancestry either.. As far as I can tell is an only child.

Andy

i would write to him and tell him exactly who you are . saying that you could be related (when you know he is actually your half sibbling ) thats wrong . tell the truth and say who you are and thatyou would like to know about your family and get to know him maybe , if he say's no then atleast you have tried .. good luck on whatever you decide .
Rose x

I think Fairy is right when she says you should stick to the truth. Half truths should be avoided.

There is another way, and that it to make contact through an intermediary who can break the news and find out whether the person is prepared to speak to you.
I am sure you will recall the various TV Programmes that I believe were actually sponsored by Genes in regard to such lost contacts.
Perhaps an email to the Help Desk might help to put you in contact with an organisation that deals with cases such as this?
It may cost you but may equally save you a lot of worry and uncertainty.
. :-)

I agree with Jeremy I think you should use an intermediary.
A letter from a stranger can be ignored & as he might not know of your existence a shock which might make him back off.
A tactful approach from a third party may just be what is needed.
I am helping a friend track down his birth family & wish his birth mother was as easy to find-he has been looking on & off for almost 15 years without success.

Personally If I got such a letter out of the blue I would think it was some sort of scam and bin the letter. Think of the shock if you got a letter out of the blue from a stranger saying your mum had a baby and it was adopted.

I think one needs to put themselves in the recipients shoes and tread lightly . (pardon the pun) .

Either go through an intermediary or be careful what you say in the first place . Not saying in the beginning what you think the connection is isnt telling lies in my opinion.

I would still appraoch it as doing my family history and thinking there may be a connection

Thank you to everyone for your posts. We have to decide what to do next. Have address, phone and email.

Andy

I do wish you luck Andrew.My husband was adopted within his family.His birth mother married and had another son,That other son is in his late 50's now.That man does not know my husband is his half brother.My husband will not tell him and said we must not tell him as its too late.It was awful at there mothers funeral and for my children as well as they were not recognized.My children knew who she was (she did not know my children knew)as we had told them as she would spoil them.My husband said it would shock him now.
Annie

Sorry, Rose, but you're way off beam.

You seem to have no conception of the emotions involved in this sort of situation.

Good luck Andrew in whatever way you decide to preceed, keep us informed of how you get on :-) :-) :-)

The late Joan Allan of Myfolks.co.uk would ALWAYS recommend a third party make contact in these cases.

You should talk to her partner Debbie:

http://myfolks1.tripod.com/id178.htm

She should be able to give you some good advice.

Rose

Hey, Because you were adopted, even though you all ready have all the information, I think you should be entitled to an intermeadiary service for free.

They basically make the contact on your behalf but as it is a very emotional issue, it is done in the best way possiable.

You may even be given counselling yourself just incase the outcome isnt what was desired.

The best offical contact i would suggest in the adoption section of the `General Registrar Office`, They are very helpful and should tell you if you qualify for help and the best way to go about it.

Basically if you didnt have any info and wanted a copy of your origonal birth certificate because you were born before 1975 when the law changed then you would have had to go through an intermeadiary service just incase things like this were to happen, you have a half brother who is alive. So just because you already have the info i dont see any reaosn why you wouldnt be entitled to their help.

Hope things go well
Kind Regards
Rachel